Okay, I'm done putting this off. I'm going to sit here and blog. Eighth grade year is almost over, and holy crap does it feel good. Unfortunately for me, the teachers are trying to make these last two weeks as long and hard as ever and I'm just about dying trying to keep up with school, social life, and the upcoming excitement of summer. I'm amazingly excited for the summer season, but getting through these last couple weeks might just about kill me. But schoolwork isn't the only thing that's making me stressed. I'm still stuck in that little school-girl-crush-drama. First, I am in love with a high school boy (whom I cannot wait to see) and now I'm unsure about my feelings for..another guy. Why is my life so weird? Our relationship is basically the kind of an unknown kindergarten crush where the two make fun of/be mean to each other and yet both of them want to be with each other. In this case, it might not be the same for him, but I'm really starting to fall. Hard. Harder than I've ever fallen for a guy until this year. Why was 8th grade the year when I started falling for guys? And why is falling for guys so complicated? Me and him are just friends, but are we? We make fun of each other and we are sarcastic with each other, but there are times when we just sit there and laugh. And let me tell you it sounds so good when I hear both of our laughs combine into one sound wave. I don't care if it is the only noise in the entire math class and if the math teacher gets mad, I almost melt into the ground when he laughs with me. That sounded weird in my head; "he laughs with me." I hope he goes to CHS. I need him next year, when my fantasy about my amazing older-guy-relationship doesn't work out. But it's not just a back-up. It's because I'm confused about the two of them. Both are amazing, but both have no idea I want them. And both probably don't want me. And oh my god is it awkward when Alexa tells us that we should go out. I try to make it better by changing the subject as soon as she recommends the relationship but inside I am dying to know what he thinks. I don't want to tell him, because whenever girls do that at my age nothing good comes of the matter. But I want to know. The ideal situation would be for me to find out he wants me as much as I want him on the last day of school, as we get in line for our promotion ceremony I want him to tell me that he really likes me. And then I would tell him that I like him as well. And we would hug and smile and be happy and then leave each other for an entire summer. And then in ninth grade we could act like the last day of 8th grade never happened and just let our relationship blossom from a friendship to a relationship, acting like we both don't know we really like each other, and letting fate take the wheel. But I know none of that is going to happen. If it does I just might shoot myself. Because I can't handle having something be so dear to me, and then having me be dear to them as well. It just makes me self conscious. This post is way too long. Good thing nobody reads this.
More Later.♥