Thank the good lord for music. Today has been absolutely awful. I've just been in a horrible mood all day and it just keeps getting worse. Nothing that really happened today made me so depressed, but nothing that happened today helped either. I just basically woke up in a depressed state and have stayed that way ever since. For my biology class we went on a field trip and the trip was okay and we did a couple fun things and I got to hang out with friends but overall I was never really energized and the whole time I just wanted to be back in bed. Getting back to class for the last hour of school was absolutely torture. Thank god for Michael, though. We ditched class for a good twenty minutes when we got back to the school and that was probably the most happy twenty minutes I've had in the past week. If there's one person who can make me happy when I'm sad, it's him. Nobody else in the whole world apart from Jackson Rathbone and the Harry Potter phenomenon in human form could cheer me up. Even the people to whom I refer to as my friends don't cheer me up, and mostly they end up doing the opposite. Anyway, we eventually made it to la clase de espanol and my day just started plummeting into an abyss of depression. You think you have people that actually give a damn about you and then you are in need of a friend and they pretend you're invisible. My "feelings" for that one guy that I've mentioned before are now totally gone after today's events. I almost actually gave up today when I did a mini presentation in Spanish and barely anyone clapped. I wanted to just walk out and throw myself off the balcony. Then I'm sitting there, waiting for somebody to ask me if I'm okay and instead I end up burying my head in my arms and wishing I was dead to the sound of nobody caring. I probably have a zero in for my homework that I didn't give her to check as well... Then I come home and check my grades and realize that they are dropping. I'm so over trying so hard and not getting anywhere and I'm so over being there for everyone and then when I need help, getting no one. At least my mom was kind of sympathetic. I just really need to go to sleep but I'd rather not. I need to kick my sister off the television so I can watch Harry Potter and forget about the world. Then I need to lay in my room and listen to music and close my eyes and pretend I don't exist. I need a best friend so bad right now. Anyone?
More later.