the blog

So what? You like me, get freaking over it. Control your friends too, especially those who are in my grade. That doesn't help either, t he whole "separate grade" thing. You are one year older . yay. I can't let you leave with you still in love with me. so get it over it. now please?
he is everything i need that i, never knew, i wanted.♥

I kind of wish that the world had ended yesterday. So that I wouldn't have to deal with this impossible life I have right now. At this age in life, I should be having so much fun, but instead.. I'm not. I'm juggling so many things, that they all just come down in one gigantic plop every once in awhile and when they do, I don't know what to do. Like right now. So many things, going wrong, coming down, bringing me down. While some people are out there enjoying life, I'm sitting here struggling to keep myself up and not fall into that dark hole we call depression. How on earth am I supposed to deal with the drama at 16 when I can't deal with all the wimpy stuff and age 12? Good luck with that Heather, Good.Luck,

God, I swear this week has been my third worst week ever (Under; The week when i found out I was moving, and the week I moved). I'm not gonna go into details. I'm too depressed to do that. Seriously, Depressed. First of all; my Internet life is flushing itself down the toilet. Second; my Arizona life is slipping through the cracks that have slowly started to grow wider. And third; my California life is just plain falling apart.Is it even possible for a 12 year old girl to be this depressed. What am I supposed to do? I can't do anything. My life is just going in a downward spiral and there is nobody helping me through it. I'm obsessed with reading those "Chicken Soup For the Teenage Soul" stories. Right now, I'm reading the book on"Tough Stuff" which is basically all depressing stories. You would think I would try and help myself right?

Kay, so there is aboslutely nothing to write about. My life, it sucks. My "friends," they are giving me crap. My plans for next year, going downhill. I mean, could my life get any worse?

I was the first person he talked to when he moved here. Hmm..can I be the last person he talks to?

So I'm her BFF right? No. She calls me her BFF. But she's not. She doesn't treat me like a BFF, and she uses me. She likes to brag around me, she likes to freaking hurt me and she's always pushing me around. So now, I don't even want her to come over, I don't even want to be around her. In fact, I'm on the verge of hating her. I have other friends that treat me way better than she has in the whole time span I've known her. They love me, and I love them. How can we be BFFs if I don't want to be. Oh, that's right, we can't.

Ugh. Yeah, guess we don't. Cause we are acting like we are the same as we were in 6th grade.When really, get a freakinq clue! We are so not the same. But when we were sitting there doing our nails it kinda feels like we were in a time capsul, where we all didn't have new friends, we didn't have new personalities. We were just, then. I think, if we really tried, we could be that way again. I wonder if they think that?

Yeah. I'm kicking myself. So freaking hard. Why? Because. Because it was my old neighbor/best friend's birthday last week. I wrote it on my calendar. Yeah. I didn't call her. I didn't call her. Ugh. I can't freaking believe it. She and her adorable little brother probably hate my sister and I. I was going to call her...I will. I will. Ugh. I'm promising myself to call her. Then we can go on...ClubPenguin together(: Hehe. I can't believe I still have an account on that. I remember we used to go on CP all the time I remember little traditions that we used to do at Christmas time, that I can't say on the internet because they are ours. Ugh. We have so many great memories..too many for me to list. I can't freaking believe myself that I forgot to call her on her birthdayy. I'm gonna run my self into a wall because of what I did..or didn't do.

Remember that binder I had in 6th grade? Before I moved. Remember how almost everybody signed it? Remember that? Well, I've been using that binder ever since. And just yesterday, I decided to get a new one. I'm trying to think of it as a symbolistic maneuver. As in, trying to set my old life aside and making a new one. That old 'life' was just dragging me down, it was hard to carry and keep holding up. It is starting to fall apart, and before it just breaks completely, I've decided to set it aside. I'm keeping it. But. I'm just not able to keep it with me all the time. And it is hard to move on, because I don't have things I had back then. I don't have the best friends that I knew I had. I don't have the same kind of fun at school that I used to have. So, in the closet it goes. I don't know if it will stay there or not. Time will tell.