the blog

Well, I just sat here for about ten minutes looking out my window and listening to birds chirping. I feel like I'm about eighty years old saying this, but it's nice and overcast outside and the birds were singing such beautiful songs so I decided to title this post as so. However, we all know how I never end up writing about what my title is. Today, thank god, is Friday. This year is going by so fast. I can't even remember February, let alone January. I always hate second semesters of school because I tend to do worse in my classes. Of course, that's what is going on right now and I hate myself for it. I don't know what happens. I try just as hard as first semester, and it's not that second semester is hard. I guess I just get caught up in the fact that I'm in the home stretch of getting out of prison... oops, I mean school. This semester is going to suck though, I can feel it. So it's my "Wifey-versary" next weekend with my best friend. It's also mi madre cumpleanos, therefore we probably won't do anything. Even if it wasn't my mother's birthday, I'm not even sure if we'd do anything. I know I'm losing her, and she tells me that I am still her best friend but I don't feel it anymore. We haven't hung out one-on-one in a while and when I'm at school she just ignores me most of the time. I don't want to push myself on her because I know she has more in common with other people, but I just wish she would tell me that she doesn't want to be my best friend anymore. Maybe she does want to be, but it's that thing that happens when you don't have any motivation towards someone. There's no momentum from our two years strong friendship anymore. I still want her to be my best friend for all of eternity, but she isn't feeling it anymore and I can tell. Sometimes school just makes you feel worse about these kinds of things. Like when you're sitting at lunch and getting ignored, or if guys think they're above you, or if you're in class seriously considering walking out. I'm so glad it's the weekend and there will be no drama for these two days. I'm going to see a musical tomorrow, and then just relax on Sunday. Overthinking everything gives me a hole in my stomach and every day I feel it getting bigger and bigger and I need some way to fill it up. By the way, I'm thinking of keeping this layout for a while. Change is good right? At least for a stupid teen blog.
More later.

Blogging is really distracting me from my homework, and now I realize why I stopped for a while. I am going to try blogging almost every day, except for weekends. Anyway, today was an early release day, at which we got out of school at 12:10 instead of 2:30. My friends and I walked from school to Souplantation. Souplantation is the place to go if you want to get obese quickly. The only thing that I trusted to be at least healthy in a tiny way was the salad at the beginning of the buffet. After that, it's cheesy bread, mac n' cheese, ice cream, and muffins. After not eating all day, it was delicious, but eating there just makes me feel like I'm starting to gain so much weight... I have a friend who is not afraid to speak her mind. Who doesn't? Actually, I have two of these friends..joy right? Sometimes it isn't pretty when there's tension. I am all for speaking up about what you think, and not holding back, but today one of my friends was being really racist pertaining to Muslims. I respect her opinion, however; you can't just scream things out in a public place like that. Everyone in our section of the restaurant was staring at us while she was going on her rant, and I felt really embarrassed. I've had a friend like this for a while, so I'm used to it, but now I have two friends like this. Although I love them both, it's hard sometimes to be around people that..aren't afraid to get noticed. I'm totally okay with getting noticed too, but it's the way that we got noticed today that I didn't enjoy. I could feel eyes on my back burning deep holes into my morals. Now, my friend isn't a hardcore racist, but I wanted to just stand up and apologize to everyone in that room. Not only were there children, but the possibility of there being a Muslim present made me sink inside. I'm not making an attack on my friend, I'm just starting to question society. Is it wrong that sometimes I want people to keep their opinions to themselves? Is it wrong that people judge you if have an opinion about something? Is society turning weak? Sometimes I wonder whether the fact that everybody is now so judgmental has been a fact for a long time. My dad complains all the time about how people take things too seriously nowadays. Maybe if people would teach about respecting one another's opinions and not to be so judgmental all the time, things would be better. We might have less wars if people could realize that your beliefs are your beliefs. Maybe if people learned to not care about what other people are saying, fighting would be less common. Think about it, when you hear that someone that you know smokes marijuana for the first time, doesn't your view on that person change? Whether for better or worse, you now have a different perspective of that person in your mind. I think that is wrong, and the fact that society is turning us this way makes me angry. Most of the wars going on today are focused on disputes in beliefs, and if people had it in their minds that doing something different or being someone different is okay, these wars could cease. I don't have any problems with any religion, seeing as I'm not religious myself, and I don't understand why people could hate another group of people as much as they do. Don't even get me started on gay rights. I just hope that one day respect and understanding will be taught alongside academics. Ha, we blame society but we are society. How do I end up going so much off-topic?
More Later.

So, fucking Yola jacked up my blog. I wanted to try out a new layout and I clicked something to try and I couldn't get it back to the old one. So this is the best thing I could find. I'll try and fix it some other time but I haven't figured out how to get my old site layout back. This fucking layout is so annoying. I hate it. I miss my menu in a sidebar and I hate how 'wannabe perfect' this layout is. Asdfghjlk. Anyway, today was okay. I watched Harry Potter again this morning (school didn't start until twelve) which was the highlight of my day. School is such a prison. I'm so over academics. I'm so over teachers. I'm so over people. I hate being surrounded by crowds trying to get to class, and I hate sitting in class and being judged. I hate studying my ass off for tests and then failing them. I hate self-centered girls and mean guys. I hate the high expectations I set for people and they end up being way below them. My teachers are bipolar and my friends barely like me most of the time. I'm so done waiting for something good to happen and ending up lying in bed at night dreaming up impossible situations. I hate seeing the happiness in people and wondering why I can't be at school like that. My life is a constant cycle of waiting for the weekend to come and then when it comes, doing nothing. I tell myself that it's just one day but it's not. Every single day of my life I lie in bed and beg the universe to not make me get up and go to hell. Yeah sure, some days are fantastic and sometimes my friends are perfect, but most days I could care less about life. You know there is something wrong with schools when you realize that ninety percent of the people literally would rather kill themselves than be there. I really want someone to just sit and watch movies and cuddle with. Whether that be a boyfriend who doesn't expect much from me, or just a best friend that I feel totally comfortable with. I hate having to sit in school and wonder about my future and know that I have absolutely nothing planned. By the time senior year comes I need to have some sort of plan because right now I'm just dead. And my parents need to fucking get personality checkups because I'm so done with them too. Nothing even really happened today that put me in a bad mood, I just am. That's horrible. To be in a bad mood for no reason at all. Adults think teenagers just make big deals out of nothing but unless you actually are a teenager, you don't know what it's like. Sorry for this post. It's just basically me complaining. I need someone that I can actually complain to, and them not judge me. Until then, that person is my blog. More later,
Heather.

Woah, I'm actually blogging two days in a row. What a good blogger I am! Ha, let's just forget that last counterfactual statement and move on. Because of the 'high school exit exam' that the sophomores (and some juniors and seniors) are taking, the rest of the school don't start until 12:05 pm. This means that we have only two and a half hours of school, plus we actually get to sleep in. Hence, this morning was absolute heaven. I got up and actually ate breakfast. After getting dressed and setting up my backpack, I watched Harry Potter like the loyal potterhead I am. God, I freaking love the phenomenon. They are the most perfect books, with the most perfect movies, the most perfect characters, and the most perfect fandom. I can't watch any movie out of all eight without shedding tears. Even the smallest thing, such as Professor Trelawney almost getting kicked out of Hogwards in the Order of the Phoenix, makes my eyes well up. It's the story, and the development of characters, and the lessons learned, and the hardships that make it such an escape from reality. I will forever worship Severus Snape and I will forever long to be in the presence of Fred and George Weasley. People tend to judge the series without even taking a moment to read and watch the movies and discover everything that the fans have discovered. This is becoming a sort-of Harry Potter tribute and trust me, I will do a real post on it later, but there is a more important matter. This more important matter is something I've been struggling with a for a while and I'm almost certain that I've blogged about it before. I hate blogging about guys all the time, but who else is going to listen to my problems without judging me? If you read my previous post, you would think that I fell for that guy... well, no I didn't. It's super complicated but I'm having problems choosing who to like. The guy in my previous post is out of the picture for obvious reasons that I explain in that post, and I'm focusing down on two guys. This happens all the time with me and it's obvious that I've never really really liked anyone before. I was never really really into my exboyfriend but shh... Anyway, I'm not going to describe both guys and I know that I don't have to like anyone, but I absolutely hate getting distracted in class, thinking about guys all the time. I want to either have a crush, or not have a crush and get it over with. I'm not even concerned with whether either one of the guys likes me or not. I sound like such a sixth grader when I talk about this but I need to fucking figure out my head. I overthink all the time. Overthinking should be some sort of disease because I need to get some treatment for this shit. Sometimes all I do is sit in class and think about everything. Some of the things I think about have no relevance at all or they are too complicated to think about in the middle of geometry. Sometimes I can honestly feel my brain pounding with irrelevance and I'm sick of it. I need something to occupy my mind and I need it fast. More later,
Heather.

Well, if there was anyone reading my blog at one point, they aren't reading it now. It's been eight months since I've updated my nonexistent audience on my life, and to be honest, my nonexistent audience isn't missing much. I'll try to start off at the beginning of freshman year and go from there... Although I wish something did, nothing exciting happened until about...never. Biology is the only subject that has been giving me trouble, and I earned an A in first semester. I'm pretty sure I just jinxed second semester. Anyway, Spanish One and (dare I say it) Physical Education have been my favorite subjects. And based on my previous posts, one might be wondering why Intermediate Theater isn't my favorite. There is a simple yet complicated explanation for this; it is not Drama II. There, that's it. The reason I don't like Intermediate Theater this year is because it is not the same as eighth grade. Haha, what a stupid thing. To say I actually miss the eighth grade is about the lamest thing anyone will ever say but for me, it's true. We were a family and the class was the one thing I looked forward to every single day, and now, the only class I really look forward to is the occasional Spanish One class. If you experienced everything we did in Drama II, trust me, you would have an empty hole in your heart where the class once was, as I do. I'm going to stop reviewing my ninth grade year so far now, and go into why I really needed to post today. The story is long and boring, and from reading my earlier blog posts I know that when I go into these type of stories even I tend to hate my blog. So, because of how much I love everyone who reads my blog, I am going to try and make this story short and sweet.. This may be just a couple day thing, but for the past few Spanish classes I've been starting to fall for a junior who is obsessed with weed. Yeah, I know that is probably the dumbest thing you've ever read, but there is a reason. The way he treats me, as opposed to everyone, else just makes me feel so good. He is probably the nicest guy who smokes weed that I've met, and I know that I'm one of not many people to whom he treats as nice as he does. He's not in love with me, I know that, but there is something about him that makes me sit there and wonder if I would ever have a chance with him, which I know I won't. Now, I'm not going to date a stoner but I am so mesmerized by him right now. His eyes, his hair, his smile, his laugh, his intelligence despite everything he does, and his comedic nature is so attractive to me. He is everything I could ever want in a guy, minus the weed and the height and the age. Today some idiot was comedically making fun of my hair color and he turns around and goes, "Is he talking shit to you?" to which I reply "haha, yeah!" And he says, "want me to beat his ass?" At which point I want to melt at the knees. I know for a fact he didn't mean it the way I wanted him to mean it, but trust me, he is only one of a special two or three guys at the prison you call school would say that, even as a joke. Not to mention the fact that, being a weed smoker, that was the last thing I expected to come out of his mouth. I know I'm being a stupid teenage girl, turning little things into big ones, and I know that if he read this he would laugh and never look at me the same, but I had to vent to someone. Wow, that was as short as I could make it, but it was still so long.. There is nothing much more to say about the past eight months. I went to Universal Studios Hollywood with mi familia, and Tahoe to ski, and Christmas was fantastic with the addition of my David Silva jersey. I still miss Scotland like crazy and every day I daydream about what life would be like if I lived with my family over there instead of this hell hole. I miss my family so much...I'm also losing my best friend. I hate wanting to push myself back over to her, but if she feels closer to other people this year than me, there is nothing I can do about it. She has so much more in common with her new friends this year than she ever did with me, and she knows it. I can't figure out what to do. I've never had a friend mean so much to me, and without her my life has litereally been walking around without a purpose. More later I guess,
much love, Heather.

Odd Days:
English Honors- Stitts D
Intermediate Theater- Hall Monica
P.E- McGhee

Even Days:
Geometry Honors- Tomkinson K
Biology Honors- Walker
Spanish- Torres

Yes, Fernando Torres is teaching me Spanish..... lol i wish(: But Oh My Gosh, I am so upset that basically all of my hard classes are in one day! I knew that was going to happen, knowing my luck, but now that it has happened I'm totally overwhelmed. Not only that, but that fact that I have basically no friends in any of my classes (except for theater♥) is stressing me out. In fact, I'm actually luckier because I have maybe four or five people I know in all of my classes (except theater♥) combined, and some people have one at the most. Honestly I'm getting stressed out, because first days are always horrible for me, and the fact that I know I will most likely get lost and have no friends to feel relaxed with throughout the day is also increasing my chances of having me want to shrink into the floor on many occasions on the first day of high school. I'm going after school on the first day to speech and debate club. Honestly, I don't know why I'm doing this. I don't know whether I actually want to participate in the club, or I just feel like I need to join a club because I'm not doing a sport or anything and I might need the credits later on. I have no idea why I will, but I will go anyway and see what it's like. Maybe it will be okay because I know mostly theater kids join the club so maybe I will make friends with some of the older theater kids. On the first day I think I will have some extremely awkward moments with my ex, a sophomore that helped out my theater group, another sophomore who I knew in seventh grade and keep seeing at random places, and a guy whom I know outside of school but kind of have a major crush on. Actually, I know I will have awkward moments with them because I'm horrible with guys, end of story. Yeah, let's just hope I won't let my fear of high school in general get in the way of me seeming like a stupid little freshman... Honestly I'm horrifically nervous about what will happen this year for many, many, many, did I say many (?) reasons. I'm just going to hope that I don't get lost on my first day and see where life goes from there.
More Later.♥

So there is so much to blog about. And I can't. I'm just going to go over things... So I'm done with middle school. yay? I miss Drama 2 too much for words. They were my rock, my life, my family, my everything. I will never have an experience like that again, ever, in my life.♥ I'm going to miss everyone and everything we did forever. Winning Shakespeare Festival, performing Beauty and the Beast, being a huge family, our festival groups, EVERYTHING.♥ I can't even.. Moving on, this summer we went to Scotland. OMG that was again, one of the best experiences of my entire life. Just being with my amazing family makes me numb. I want to live in Scotland. My family is so perfect in every way, and I hate only seeing them every few years. I miss everything about that trip. I miss my amazingly hilarious Uncle Kenny, my beautiful aunt Katherine, my too-chill-for-words cousins Amy and Ross, my crazy grandmother Lynch, the smell of her house, the steak pie Uncle Kenny made on the last night, that super hot waiter that carried 5 plates on one arm at a restaurant, the fish supper at that amazing fish n' chips place, the smell of my wonderfully amazing Aunt Lorraine's cigarettes, my craziliy adorable cousin Jay, when Jay sings Moves Like Jagger, my absolutely amazingly cool and awesome cousin Jordan, his car, his wonderfully adorable dog Ollie, my funny and loving Uncle John, his erratic fiance Margaret, my fun and perfect grandmother Colgan, my young-forever Uncle Jim, having that children's movie marathon with Jay, going to see Ice Age 4 with just me my sister and my mom and dad, all those amazing Indian food meals we got, going to see all those castles, watching Euro 2012 and seeing my favorite (Spain) with the amazing David Silva win the tournament, pushing my grandmother Lynch's wheelchair, eating too much food, those amazing shopping days with my aunt Lorraine, the smell of her car, ice skating with Jay and Lorraine on the last full day, the drive back to Glasgow from the Bed and Breakfast we stayed at, chilling with Megan and Gail and Brian at the coffee shop, going to Escape with Gail Brain Robby and Megan, bowling with them, the beauty of Megan, that little roller coaster thing we went on before leaving escape with Megan and Robbie, the accents of everyone in Scotland,the rain rain and more rain, and just flat out everything about Scotland.♥♥ I can't even explain... Moving on, for my wifey's birthday we went to L.A and stayed with her grandparents. Madame Touset's (or however it's spelled) wax museum in Hollywood was AMAZING.♥ I loved that trip so much, Hollywood was amazing, and the horses in Maddy's horse Shayna's barn were incredible, and Shayna herself was so beautiful. Heading out for icecream and frozen yogurt at night, and eating too much food again was so much fun. The shopping day we had on her actual birthday was absolutely amazingly fun and I loved it. I love her family, and her dog, and yeah. A fun couple of days... I also attended an acting class with my sister and our little friend Annaliese on Saturdays and Tuesdays for a few weeks in early July and it was so awesome! Acting is soo much fun for me and our teacher was super fun and great with coaching us. I loved being Ginarrbrik in our Narnia scene, and Kit in our Kit Kitterage scene. Also, the imrpov we did was so great and fun, and those were some fun days... Overall, summer has  been fantastic, apart from the fact that Kira is confusing my brain. Not her as an individual, but the whole entire situation is just confusing me. I don't know how to tell her that I don't want to be friends with her. I'm not good at this whole thing with telling people how I feel and making things okay in the end...So I got an instagram follow me; _heather_weather_ , also I got a Kik so kik me at FeatherOnFire . I'm still totally obsessed with Jackson Rathbone and I'm really excited to see his baby anytime he decides to tweet out pictures.So that was about as quick as I can make it. School is in a few weeks and ugh... More on that Later.♥

We promoted today. We got all dressed up nice and fancy. I was crying. There are so many people that are leaving. I will post more about this later, but I am absolutely depressed at the fact that Drama 2 is over. It was my rock, my family, my life. And now it's all over. I walked up to Mrs. E and the tears just fell out. They like, literally fell out. OMG I can't talk about this. On to a new subject... I've been texting my boyfriend all day. It feels so good. This is my first boyfriend, and he's perfect. He made me feel so much better after crying today. i love him.♥ But I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to be a boyfriend. Especially having the fact that my dad would legit kill me if he found out. Whatever. He's perfect... OMG I'm so excited about my trip. I can't wait to see my entire family. Ahhhhh. I'm officially a Freshman.
More Later.♥

Woah. I'm fourteen already. Ahh, I don't want to go to high school. But I do. I don't want to be so much closer to actually going out into the real world, but I want to get out of those crappy, little middle school years. I feel sick whenever I think about leaving all the people that are going to other schools after next week. I swear I am going to break down and cry on the last day of school, no joke. Today was weird. I've never had a birthday on a school day before, and I don't like it. I really hate not having a full day to just have a brilliant birthday, and instead having to go to school and try to make it feel like a normal day. I didn't really tell anyone it was my birthday, so most people got mad at seventh period when my history teacher decided to make this totally normal day public to the class. Ahh, that was horrible. You don't know how many times I had to answer the question; "OMG It's your BIRTHDAY?" with; "Yeah." And you don't know how many times I had to answer "Happy Birthday!" with, "Thank you."  At least when my birthday is on the weekend, nobody knows and I don't have to respond to so many people in one day. Also, having to go to school and take major tests the day after your birthday really does put a damper on things. I'm just kind of done with birthdays at this point in the day. I wanted Jackson Rathbone to tweet me but..he didn't. Yeah, shocker there. Haha, happy birthday to me!
More Later.♥

Okay, I'm done putting this off. I'm going to sit here and blog. Eighth grade year is almost over, and holy crap does it feel good. Unfortunately for me, the teachers are trying to make these last two weeks as long and hard as ever and I'm just about dying trying to keep up with school, social life, and the upcoming excitement of summer. I'm amazingly excited for the summer season, but getting through these last couple weeks might just about kill me. But schoolwork isn't the only thing that's making me stressed. I'm still stuck in that little school-girl-crush-drama. First, I am in love with a high school boy (whom I cannot wait to see) and now I'm unsure about my feelings for..another guy. Why is my life so weird? Our relationship is basically the kind of an unknown kindergarten crush where the two make fun of/be mean to each other and yet both of them want to be with each other. In this case, it might not be the same for him, but I'm really starting to fall. Hard. Harder than I've ever fallen for a guy until this year. Why was 8th grade the year when I started falling for guys? And why is falling for guys so complicated? Me and him are just friends, but are we? We make fun of each other and we are sarcastic with each other, but there are times when we just sit there and laugh. And let me tell you it sounds so good when I hear both of our laughs combine into one sound wave. I don't care if it is the only noise in the entire math class and if the math teacher gets mad, I almost melt into the ground when he laughs with me. That sounded weird in my head; "he laughs with me." I hope he goes to CHS. I need him next year, when my fantasy about my amazing older-guy-relationship doesn't work out. But it's not just a back-up. It's because I'm confused about the two of them. Both are amazing, but both have no idea I want them. And both probably don't want me. And oh my god is it awkward when Alexa tells us that we should go out. I try to make it better by changing the subject as soon as she recommends the relationship but inside I am dying to know what he thinks. I don't want to tell him, because whenever girls do that at my age nothing good comes of the matter. But I want to know. The ideal situation would be for me to find out he wants me as much as I want him on the last day of school, as we get in line for our promotion ceremony I want him to tell me that he really likes me. And then I would tell him that I like him as well. And we would hug and smile and be happy and then leave each other for an entire summer. And then in ninth grade we could act like the last day of 8th grade never happened and just let our relationship blossom from a friendship to a relationship, acting like we both don't know we really like each other, and letting fate take the wheel. But I know none of that is going to happen. If it does I just might shoot myself. Because I can't handle having something be so dear to me, and then having me be dear to them as well. It just makes me self conscious. This post is way too long. Good thing nobody reads this.
More Later.♥

This is probably going to turn out more like a movie review than a blog post, but what the hell, it's my blog. Anyway, if you haven't seen Hotel Rwanda go see it right now. Go rent it from somewhere or buy it or something. I haven't checked if you can access it on Netflix but check there as well. But seriously, Hotel Rwanda is an absolutely amazing movie. It has Don Cheadle in it. Freaking Don Cheadle, bro! That guy is beyond amazing at acting, he is one of my role models. So the movie basically centers around genocide in Rwanda. It takes place in the early nineties, but the movie was made in 2004. If you are under the age of 10, please don't see it. It's not too pleasant of a movie if you aren't aware of what happens in genocides. Honestly, Hotel Rwanda definitely tests your emotions. But that's what makes the movie so damn awesome. The acting is beyond brilliant and the reenactments of the events, which, by the way, are true events, are incredible. It makes the movie feel like it was filmed during the events itself. It's not too much of a tearjerker, but I did cry multiple times when the story touched me. It's one of those movies where you are feeling like you are getting stabbed in the heart during some scenes. I want to explain some of the scenes for you so bad, but I can't. You have to sit down and watch this movie, start to end. Thing is, if you aren't aware at what happened in Rwanda in the early nineties I would recommend you researching the topic for a few minutes before you watch Hotel Rwanda. I'm not telling you to do a giant research report on who the Hutus and Tutsi's are, but there are some scenes in the movie, where you have to know who the Interhamwe is and who the Rwandan army is. It may seem confusing right now, but if you absorb the material in a movie quickly, you will be fine. And if not, just take a couple minutes on Google to figure out what the situation in Rwanda was. Anyway, you will be emotionally smacked after watching this movie, and you will have a new understanding of the events that happen in a genocide and what happened in Rwanda. We are doing genocide reports in English at the moment, and my amazing English teacher showed us Hotel Rwanda to give us an understanding of what we will be learning about. But before you get turned off because of that fact, I want you to know that it's not some stupid, boring documentary that makes you fall asleep within the first 10 minutes. I swear to you, Hotel Rwanda is a movie that will affect your entire life. Hotel Rwanda is intense, emotional, informational, and beautiful. Please go watch it, and let me know what you think. If you end up hating this movie, and therefore hating me for recommending it, let me know why and I will consider why you didn't like it. I know this was more a movie review than an actual blog post, but I am really passionate about how much I love this movie. Amazing doesn't even come close to describing it.

Yeah, so there's a TON to blog about. But I'm settling for this little thing that I find interesting when other people do it. So here goes;

Is it weird that he's all I think about? Is it weird that I dream about him, and daydream of me in his arms? Is it weird that he's a year older than me, and is the one of two reasons I want to go to high school? Is it hard to consider the fact that I fantasize about him kissing and hugging and loving me? I know it's hard for me. I hate it. I hate how the guy I'm totally falling for probably wants nothing to do with me. How the arms I want to be in, are arms that I haven't seen in a year. How, even if he did want me as much as I want him, we probably wouldn't be able to be together. I miss him. I miss his smiles. I can't wait to go to high school and see him. But knowing me, I am going to hide my feelings and just smile and wave at him, and pretend that he means nothing to me. Pretend that he's not everything I ever wanted. I just need to see him again. Maybe he won't be what I expect him to be, maybe I will regret dreaming about resting my head on his shoulder and him kissing my hair, and maybe I won't even want to say "hey" to him. But I doubt it. I doubt that I will get over him quickly. I doubt that he will be anything less than I need him to be. My worst fear, though, is the fact that maybe there will be another girl in his arms. And on the first day my heart will break into a million little pieces and when I get home I will cry into my pillow until there's nothing left. I hate that I'm fantasizing all that we could be, but yet he will probably not want anything to do with me. This is just a dumb phase that all girls go through, I know, but I can't let it go. Not now. I need him in my arms right now. I need to see him and melt away. Ugh. My stomach is churning within itself with the feeling of love and happiness that I could have with him, and I hate it. I'm glad that I have this blog to confide into and I'm glad that nobody really reads this because this post is really embarrassing now that I think about it. But I'm not erasing this. It would be like erasing my feelings. And I can't do that. It would be like telling him I didn't love him.. God, Shut Up Heather!

So, I guess I shouldn't be judging because you know, I'm not a parent and it must be hard to be a parent...but. But sometimes I really don't understand my parents. I want to blog about this ALL the time, but I always forget and save it for "later." But I'm like in the mood right now, because my mom just yelled at me. She opened my lunch (please don't think that I'm such an immature little brat because my mom still makes and cleans my lunch..) and saw that I didn't eat my sandwich and my yogurt. She goes: "Heather, why didn't you eat this?" And I said: "Because I wasn't hungry!" Because I legit, was not hungry. End of story. But then she goes: "Why haven't you been eating? I'm not going to let you do this!" And I went : Do what?!" And she replied: "Think you're too fat and not eat!" And by this point, I'm just like What.The.Fuck.Lady?! And I'm telling her that I'm not hungry and she goes "Well I'm gonna make you hungry! Come dry these dishes." And I told her I had homework to do and stuff, and she goes "Well I'm going to make you do chores.." And end conversation. But I am so totally flabbergasted that my parents are thinking that I'm going anorexic every time I don't eat. Like, seriously, every time I don't eat as much as they expect me to, they call me out on it and make me eat more and more. It happened last weekend too. I wasn't that hungry so I didn't eat that much of my lunch, and my dad makes me sit back down and eat more, even though I was not hungry. Not, freaking, hungry, like at all. I hate this. Every single time I don't eat they think I'm going anorexic and it makes me so angry, because first of all, I think I'm fat like every girl does, but not enough stop eating. And second, when I AM hungry, I eat like a freaking cow on heroine, no joke. And of course, this is turning into one of those rants that teenagers do on their blogs about how they hate their parents. And of course, there are many things that drive me absolutely CRAZAY about my parents, but I don't.. hate them necessarily. Mhm.. Yeah. That's it for today. This crazy rain/not rain day. Oh, and just by the way..WE FLIPPING WON SHAKESPEARE FESTIVAL!!!♥♥♥ Ugh..i LOVE Dtasc, and Cameron Penn, and my ENTIRE drama class, and that big bus, and of course Mrs. Emert.♥ God it was almost the greatest experience of my life when they announced that second place went to the performing arts middle school. I can't even explain the excitement there was. It was, Incredible.♥ I love you Drama2. Forever and freaking always.♥

So that stupid "Call Me Maybe" song is starting to grow on me. It's such an annoying, and conceited song. But it's good. What is happening to music? Seriously. All that song is about is how she is a guy magnet and all these guys want her, but she chose one guy, and she wants him to call her if he cares about her, even though she knows that he loves her..yeah. So why do people love that song? Why do I like that song? I have no clue. Somehow the world is attracted to these songs with a good melody or background music, and the "good" music is getting left behind. That's why I listen to 100 Monkeys, daily. They are crazy good, if you actually listen to the words and the music and everything. Please go get their music, it will give you a HUGE reality check, no joke. Anyway, to the tune of "Call Me Maybe" by Carly Ray Jepsen; Hey, I Just Met You. And This is Crazy, But Here's My Tumblr, So Follow Me Maybe? HeathersFeathersFall. I adore Tumblr. Let me know if you have one, because I kind of just follow..everyone. Mhm. This is just a side note, but I swear, every time I blog, it's either raining or overcast. Hmm..

Being in Drama has changed my entire life, no joke. So many great people, so many fun memories, and such a great class. I am in LOVE with acting. I am really considering it as a life choice. xD Anyway, I've had four hours of coaching for Shakespeare festival this week. Two hours on Tuesday and two hours on Thursday. Mrs. E brought us doughnuts (which were all gone by the 7th minute) and it was super fun. We had the absolute honor of having a veteran of Drama II help coach us! He was the star of last year's musical and has won first place in every scene that he's been in. I absolutely adore him, and his insightful-ness. He completely changed the dynamic of our scene for the better. He added a fake-slap, new percussion undertone elements, and better blocking for the scene where I get hung... xD Yeah. But probably the most prominent element he added to our scene was the undertone singing which we decided to call "Cordelia's Song". (We are performing King Lear, by the way) The song is basically a little tune that is present in the Hunger Games movie (which, unfortunately, I haven't seen yet! Yeah, I know, tut-tut Heather!). I can't really tell you what it's called, because I haven't found it on YouTube yet, so your just going to have to imagine what it sounds like. (: It's really cool, apart from the fact that I'm the only one singing it, and when I'm dead I have to hum it. Go me.

It's Sprrring Brrrreak!! I feel like we have our Spring Break here so late compared to other schools. I remember back in the good old days when I lived in Arizona, our Spring Break was about Two to Three weeks ago... Weird.. But anyway, today is the first day of a whole week off from school and I'm relieved. The whole "learning" part of school is stressing me out so much, it's not even funny. So many tests, so much homework, dropping grades, etc. I feel like I'm not going to graduate up to High School with the rate my grades are dropping at. Speaking of graduating.... : So I'm graduating from the Eighth Grade, to the oh-so-grown-up Ninth Grade. Yayyy me, right? Aha, my school is having a big 8th-Grade-Dance thing at the end of the year, followed up by a promotion thing we are doing at school. So most girls are getting one dress for the dance, and another for the promotion and that's what I'm doing as well. (: Anyway, I got two dresses and a pair of heels today. I'm totally in love with both dresses, and the shoes are super cute. I will share pictures with you on the actual day of the dance and/or promotion. But I'm sitting here wondering if this is all too much. It's like, Middle School years/grades don't really count for anything, do they? It's not like University professors are sitting down and analyzing what grade you got in 7th grade Science are they? Ugh. Whatever. As long as it makes all the Eighth graders feel important I guess a dance and a promotion is okay, right?

I'm trying to stop being that crazy, uninteresting, 13-year-old that blogs about stuff that nobody cares about. I'm going to try, anyway. I know nobody reads this blog, so this is basically just an online diary for me..I guess. I want to let myself know that my friends are the people who keep me from jumping off the nearest cliff. I want to let myself know that without music I would lock myself in my room and cry all day long. I want to let myself, and the world know that I'm not freaking perfect. As much as I want to be, as much as people expect me to be, I'm not. I'm dying inside. I tell myself that I'm not good enough. But it all comes down to the fact that I am going to just focus on my future next year... Highschool. Ahhh.

OMG, I'm super stoked. I actually Got a role in a musical. Wooop! I got one of the SillyGirls. I'm really excited. Don't spoil my happiness, bitches. xD The musical is gonna be absolutely amazing, and I'm thrilled to be a part of it.♥ Even so far, it's been one of the best experiences of my entire life, no joke. (: So anyways, I just added a new band to my "Favorite Bands" list. Oh how prestigious. Anyway, I found them singing on Ellen (♥) and so I looked them up, and they are absolutely amazing. Especially Gianni (; Haha. No seriously, they are a grrrreat CoverBand on Youtube, and also have a few songs of their own. Just the whole thing is awesome. Go check it out, Seriously. Here's a link to their absolutely amazing cover of Somebody That I Used To Know. So yeah. Anyway. I'm still overly obsessed with the absolutely, unbelievable, indescribably amazing Jackson Rathbone.♥♥♥♥...Ahh. Go follow me on Twitter: @FeatherOnFire

First off, say hello to my new Twitter account. @FeatherOnFire . Woooop! Anyway. Woah, has a huge wait been lifted off of my aching shoulders! I auditioned for the Drama 2 musical today. It feels sooo good. No joke. Tomorrow, while half of the class will be stressed out, I will be chilling and talking about other stuff. Ahh, life is good. Don't bother asking me how the audition went. The lady was nice, and Mrs. E is always amazing so 'nuff said about her. The lady (who I don't want to name..) was soo much better than what I thought she was going to be. Don't judge me for this: I thought she was going to be this snotty, expecting perfect, frowning twenty-year-old woman who would be a witch to perform in front of. Was I totally off, brothaa... This lady was an older lady, but extremely, beyond belief, nice. She wasn't expecting perfect, and made me feel like I was performing in front of my friends. I was absolutely thrilled when I first saw her. Ecstatic. It went super well; I sang my song, then they made me sing scales. It was over in about three minutes and walking out that door, I wiped a bead of sweat in my forehead and told myself that this would be one of those moments I would tell my kids to make them feel better about an audition or whatnot. I watched last night's Glee episode a little while ago, and woahh was that a freaking cliff hanger! SPOILER: Rachel. Just. Say. YESHH! Gawdd this is amazing. I get way too worked up about these things man, I just get so effected by acting and the emotion of it. This is one of the reasons I act xD . Anyways, Happy 12th Birthday to my Baby Sister! ily BabyGirl.♥ She is totally my best friend. Without a doubt. Seriously when/if anyone asks or asked me who my Best Friend is, I'm saying Jennifer. I'm not saying she is perfect, but its just. ..I mean, you would know what this feels like if you had a younger sister like me. The fact that we are so close in age, as well, makes the relationship so much better. But it is a good distance of age away, I mean, I don't want to be only a grade level away from her, but yet, 2 grade levels is okay... We went indoor rock climbing for an activity on her birthday. And woaaah. I am seriously considering being a professional rock climber when I am older. xD It was unbelievable fun, like I can't describe to you in words how amazingly fun Indoor Rock Climbing is. Life rocks... My school is dragging the quality of life down. It's like these teachers just want to give you all this crap on the one week you are actually starting to enjoy life. In every class, I have stress this week. Arghh.