The title of this is supposed to be May in Spanish, not mayonnaise just by the way. So it's been a while, yeah? Actually it hasn't been that long. Only a month. Still, I'm such a terrible blogger. Anywho, have I been a busy, stressed, and tired as fuck girl lately? Today I had four major tests one after another. I wanted to shoot myself before, during, and after the classes. I think I'm getting back my best friend. I think she's realizing that I'll always be the one that is here when everyone else fails her. In a way that makes me the second choice, but it's better than nothing right? Speaking of friends, I've gotten so close with my "ex" this past month. He knows more about me than anyone else on this planet, except the nonexistent audience I have here on my blog. I tell him everything. Maybe I do it because no one else will listen but whatever the case may be, I hope he will be there for me throughout high school like he has been for me this year. Just in case you were wondering, the guy that I said I was developing a crush for a few posts down has been transferred to the school for bad kids. I know he is a druggie but I don't like to judge people on the things that they've done. I'll make a real post on my philosophy about judging people later, but for right now here's quick glimpse into my mind: I don't judge people before I get to know them. This is because no matter what a person has done in his/her life, I believe everyone has the ability to change. Also, I believe that people are more than what they want to be to please people and they are more than what they think they are. If you sit down and talk to a guy who is addicted to cocaine and forget everything about that life that they are leading and just listen to their opinions on things and their life story, you will have a completely different view on them as a person. There are reasons people do what they do and only until you understand those reasons can you place your opinion on a person. This was all just a fancy way for saying that there is nothing wrong with me falling for a druggie. And I know that word is stereotypical and rude in some ways, but I need to use it to get my point across. Fortunately for the world, I'm over that crush and have now developed a new one on a completely new level of insanity. I like this guy that I never talk to. Every time I tell people, they laugh and think I'm the stupidest person in the world. For me, though, just walking up to a guy and starting a conversation is not easy. Guys I've liked in the past or even my guy friends have always either sat next to me in a class or I've met through another friend, etc, etc. Everyone tells me that it's impossible to like a guy that you've never talked to, but I am living proof that that is incorrect. I have crossed the fine line between having a crush on him, to liking him and that is the most insane thing ever and I can't explain why I am so in love with him but I am. Nothing anyone says is going to shift my brain. I do this stupid teenage-girl thing where I imagine us being together and being in his arms and I can't go on because I've already started daydreaming. The next topic I need to cover is going to make me sound like a complete cocky bitch but bear with me for a second; I'll make it short and sweet. I have two guys that like me. I'm not going to go into how insane that is right now, but I want you to know that I am still in shock. Anyway, the first guy is so intimate and is always hugging me and overall just doesn't know when to stop. The other guy is someone I could never see myself with and is more like an amazing friend, but our friendship is dwindling because of this stupid crush he has on me. I've told him I don't like him, yet today he asked me to go to a movie with him. I wish guys could just get the picture and move on. I know that isn't fair but at least when a guy tells a girl that he doesn't like her, the girl either gets over him or just keeps her thoughts to herself. When a girl tells a guy that she likes someone else they just keep pursuing. I honestly need help because I don't want to be mean and tell them to fuck off but what the hell am I supposed to do? Thing is, the school year is almost over so I think I'll just hold out until then and let them get over me. Wow, that sounded so conceited but you know, who else can I talk like this to but my blog? Haha, my birthday is soon. Yeah. More later, and much love.<3