Is it weird that he's all I think about? Is it weird that I dream about him, and daydream of me in his arms? Is it weird that he's a year older than me, and is the one of two reasons I want to go to high school? Is it hard to consider the fact that I fantasize about him kissing and hugging and loving me? I know it's hard for me. I hate it. I hate how the guy I'm totally falling for probably wants nothing to do with me. How the arms I want to be in, are arms that I haven't seen in a year. How, even if he did want me as much as I want him, we probably wouldn't be able to be together. I miss him. I miss his smiles. I can't wait to go to high school and see him. But knowing me, I am going to hide my feelings and just smile and wave at him, and pretend that he means nothing to me. Pretend that he's not everything I ever wanted. I just need to see him again. Maybe he won't be what I expect him to be, maybe I will regret dreaming about resting my head on his shoulder and him kissing my hair, and maybe I won't even want to say "hey" to him. But I doubt it. I doubt that I will get over him quickly. I doubt that he will be anything less than I need him to be. My worst fear, though, is the fact that maybe there will be another girl in his arms. And on the first day my heart will break into a million little pieces and when I get home I will cry into my pillow until there's nothing left. I hate that I'm fantasizing all that we could be, but yet he will probably not want anything to do with me. This is just a dumb phase that all girls go through, I know, but I can't let it go. Not now. I need him in my arms right now. I need to see him and melt away. Ugh. My stomach is churning within itself with the feeling of love and happiness that I could have with him, and I hate it. I'm glad that I have this blog to confide into and I'm glad that nobody really reads this because this post is really embarrassing now that I think about it. But I'm not erasing this. It would be like erasing my feelings. And I can't do that. It would be like telling him I didn't love him.. God, Shut Up Heather!
More Later.♥