this is the most i've written on this blog in years! not a good thing or a bad thing, just an observation i think. especially because at some point i considered this blog my therapy but recently i've been thinking that therapy is not as great as i once believed it to be. this is not a dig on the people that i know who are in therapy but, from what i've seen, there has been limited results. and i have significantly less to figure out in therapy than some other people do. and for that reason i'm reluctant to start a program that has shown me a lack of viability in helping some of the people i love most. i know that a couple of my friends who love therapy love it because they are happy to be committing something to bettering themselves. just the fact that they felt comfortable enough to go to therapy and make a positive change in their life is enough to boost their mental health. however, i see some real problems not being fixed and i'm the type of person that needs to have confidence in an outcome in order to pursue a path. it's a problem i have because this way of thinking limits me, in a way, from committing myself to things for the joy of the journey and not for the satisfaction of a positive ending. but i've been thinking, generally, about the way i think recently after a conversation i had with two friends that showed me how different i think than some of the people around me. i think i'm a logical thinker, in that i do not form opinions based off of my emotions or how i want something to be. these friends i have are so certain in thinking about life in a specific way (they push the idea of spirits and energy and extra terrestrial forces being real) and i just completely disagree with that. i'm singling out these two friends of mine, specifically, because of the lack of knowledge they have about what they're saying. i do have a couple other really close friends of mine that are into crystals and energy and things, but those people are, in my view, way more logically minded. they know, deep down, that these things they participate in are beneficial for their mental health and are not necessarily indicative of and entire worldview that they are certain to be fact. i was having a really hard time, in the conversation i was referencing, even attempting to get my point across or present an alternative viewpoint because there was a fundamental disagreement in what types of things are real and what aren't. i need there to be definitive proof of something or at least solid enough evidence of a potential of proof to show me that something is real. that that thing is worth investing time, money, and emotional security in. i think it's dangerous to put any type of faith (religious, spiritual, mental health leaning, etc.) in something that isn't really there. and i think it's even more dangerous to discount any push-back on that worldview. it's the exact way i feel about religion - if, on a personal level, religion brings some sort of calmness and security to your life, it doesn't hurt to believe. but if that religion consumes the way you feel about every interaction you have or every direction your life takes, you're digging yourself into a type of belief system that fogs a persistence of logic and practicality in your life. and life is a practical thing. it exists here and now and needs people to take control of their own actions and their own mindsets in order to play out at least semi-positively. it's impossible to have an understanding of the world and the universe if a person doesn't accurately understand how their own personal life functions. and, like i said, this isn't a knock on anyone who believes in spirits or "feelings" when in a certain place, but to believe in a sort of energy that controls a world beyond our comprehension is not practical and takes away from how things actually work. a person who stands in a specific spot at a historic site and feels a "presence" of something that happened there or the person it happened to is ignoring the fact that their mind is powerful enough to imagine some horrors that could happen and is potentially influencing an emotion or projection of this power internally. and the latter explanation of what some deem as a "spirit" is actually scientifically provable. our brains are extremely powerful and we tap into things daily, hour by hour, second by second, millisecond by millisecond that we aren't even aware of. to feel the wind blow in your direction during a meditation is not proof of an interdimensional spirit and isn't even an inclination of proof. i won't get too much into it, but if these spirits exist why are they not doing more to protect us? why do they only affect certain people? why wouldn't they make themselves visible? why are only a fraction of dead people coming back as spirits? and i know there are arguments against these and i have arguments against those arguments. but people that are so focused on this way of thinking don't have the capacity to even respond appropriately to my arguments. and that's why i feel a little disconnected. it makes me internally furious that science and math and physics mean nothing to so many people when, the undisputable fact is that, our universe and our world and our lives only exist because of those things that are innate and provable and not up for debate. i'm more than willing to change my viewpoint on any of this once some sort of proof arises. but i think i'll just have to force myself to keep my mouth shut around people who refuse to accurately tackle these things. i just refuse, similarly, to have a debate about what is and isn't there. it reminds me of that phase of my life during which i got really really into atheism and i would watch these debates between atheists and christians during which christians would refuse to accept basic facts. to put a point on this whole post, i have nothing against people who use crystals and believe in the power of spirits, but if you are using that warped worldview to influence others or misinterpret practicality, i can't have a deep conversation about anything meaningful with you. at least not right now being fresh off that conversation (: